Tools for a Balanced Lifestyle

A Program of Recovery from Weight Related Problems
Going for the 3 increases: Increase of Health; Increase of Happiness and Increase of Energy

Chapter 3: Eat to Live

IV. LET GO of Powerlessness over Food
Cavepeople were powerless over their preoccupation with food because if they did not pursue food aggressively they would have died. They could not control their need to search out, hunt for, capture and prepare food for themselves. They needed to accept that it was their state in life. They needed to accept life as it was rather than how they might have wanted it. They were powerless over their need for food. Their lives were dependent on the food chain for existence. They needed to accept that fact or die.

You, who have struggles with food, must also come to accept your powerlessness where food is concerned. You who have been labeled as compulsive overeaters, food addicts, foodaholics or obsessively and compulsively focused on food must accept that you are powerless over this fact and that you cannot control it on your own. It is out of your power to control. No matter what types of strategies you take, be they: dieting, thought stopping, hypnosis, de-programming, relaxation training, psychotherapy, group work, stress reduction, meditation, electroshock therapy, behavioral therapy, rational emotive therapy, or psychoanalysis. You will never be able to have the power to change the fact that you are who you are when it comes to food. You cannot change your state in life. You cannot change something that is inherent in your psychological and physical make up. You are driven to food in unhealthy ways and use food in unhealthy ways. You are "sick" when it come to food. You have the disease of addiction to food. It is an illness or state of being which will be with you for the rest of your life. You cannot control or change the fact that you have this "dis-ease," anymore than people with diabetes can change that they have it. You can work on and change how it affects you, but you cannot change that you have this disease. You need to let go of the need to control this fact of existence which will be with you all of your life. You need to let go of the irrational beliefs that keep you "hooked" into trying to gain this control. What you need to do is to let go of your need to control everything out of your control. You need to accept your powerlessness over food. You then need to take the steps necessary to reorganize your life around this fact so that you can maintain a balanced lifestyle.

The first step you need to take is to Lighten the Pressure to control the powerlessness you feel over food. You need to use the ALERT system to identify the irrational thinking which leads you to believe that you can control this fact on your own. You will need to let go of the belief that your compulsive, obsessive, addictive, pervasive relationship with food is something which you can control on your own. Read Handling Pride, of Tools for Personal Growth were the irrational belief, "I should be able, on my own, to control everything in my life," is disputed. You cannot handle, on your own, something you are powerless over. You do not have enough internal power to handle, on your own, the pressure which food causes you. You have been led to believe that, "I should be able to handle the pressure of food in my life by dieting." You have been led to believe that, "All I need to do to overcome the pressure of food on me is to develop self-control and will- power." The truth is that all the "will-power" in the world and all the diets you try will not be able to erase the fact that food is a compulsive, addictive, obsessive, pervasive influence and driver in your life. The rational perspective you need to ALERT yourself to is: "I am powerless over the pressures of food in my life and I need the help of a power greater than me to overcome this food-driven pressure." This rational perspective is contained in the SEA's program's 12 Steps, especially Steps 1, 2 and 3 as presented in Self-Esteem Seekers Anonymous The SEA's Program Manual:

Step 1: We admitted that we were powerless over the behavioral consequences of our low self-esteem; that our lives had become unmanageable.

Step 2: We came to believe that our self-esteem could heal and grow by our cooperating with a power greater than ourselves who is our Higher Power.

Step 3: We made a decision to develop a spiritual life in which our wills and lives would be open to the healing graces of our Higher Power.

Once you have ALERTed yourself to get rational about your powerlessness over the addiction of food in your life, you then need to do ANGER work over this reality of your weakness when it comes to food. You must do a great deal of anger work about your inability to control food's dominance in your life before you can become receptive to accepting the concept that Letting Go will help you. You need to do ANGER work to accept that, handing your powerless over food to your Higher Power, will help you deal with it better than going on a diet or developing a "super duper will-power." You also need to do plenty of ANGER work over the myth that: "My life will be better and happier once I lose weight." This myth is just not true. Your life can be better and happier by letting go of the need to control something over which you are powerless. You can become a happier and more content person if you begin to do CHILD work and accept yourself unconditionally for who you are, namely a food addict who is powerless over food who need the assistance of your Higher Power to address this reality. You need to do plenty of ANGER work over the myth that: "Once my body becomes thin, my life will be perfect." This myth underlies the propaganda of the diet industries. It is just not true. You need to do CHILD work and accept your body unconditionally and LET GO of the need to wait for happiness only if the condition of thinness occurs in your body. Food and body size are intermixed for many food addicts especially females. Food and body size become combined as one issue over which they are powerless. Only after acceptance that body size and use of food are irrelevant to your personal happiness will you be able to grow in your self-esteem when it comes to your relationship to food and your body. This requires much ALERT, ANGER and CHILD work so that you can then LET GO of the pressure to control the reality that you are powerless over food. Once you have done this, then you can begin to LET GO of the need to control this reality. Only after you become more rational, realistic and reality based about food in your life can you then go on to the next step of the LET GO system.

The next step is to Exercise your rights to declare that you cannot control the compulsive, addictive, obsessive, and pervasive power food has over you. You declare that you are powerless over food and that because of this your life has become unmanageable. You admit that your life has been deeply troubled and affected by food. Your body has taken the brunt of the negative insults of food. Your weight has been a victim of your struggles with food. Your poor relationships with others may be the result of the aftermath of your battles with food. Your dis-health may be the result of your chronic yo-yo dieting. Your embarrassment to go to clothes stores or to socialize in public may be the result of your powerlessness over food. Your life has suffered because you have been powerless over the pressures of food which were driven by the myths that if "I can control my relationship with food, I will become a happier person." You need to exercise your rights and declare that "I am the only person responsible for my happiness and since I am powerless over food, I will no long believe that only by controlling the power of food will I experience happiness." You need to reorganize your thinking and recognize that the only thing your can control is yourself. Your need to recognize that you cannot control other people, places, things or conditions. Food is a thing you cannot control. The pressure you experience from food is a condition you cannot control. What you can control is your response to food and your response to the pressure you experience from food. What you can do is to LET GO of the belief that "I can control the power food has on me." What you need to convert this to is: "With the help of my Higher Power, I can LET GO of the need to control the power of food in my life, by handing over this power to my Higher Power." By taking that monkey off your back and handing it over to your Higher Power, you will have new energy and strength to handle your response to the pressure of food by implementing the Balanced Lifestyle Tools in your life. You will no longer need to develop "will-power" or go on diets to deal with food. You will now be able to put the focus on living a life of exercise, rational living, self-esteem enhancement, self-forgiveness, self-loving and self-growth. Once your have begun to exercise your rights to let go of your powerless over food you are then ready to take the next step of the LET GO system.

Your next action is to Take Steps to accept personal responsibilty for your own life and let go of the belief that: "Once I have my powerlessness over food under control I will be a happier person." To take the steps necessary you first need to develop a relationship with your Higher Power. Refer to Spirituality, in Tools for Personal Growth for a discussion of the concept of how to develop a spirituality with a Higher Power. You need to identify a Higher Power in your life who is powerful enough to accept the load you are going to hand over which is your "powerlessness over food." You need to have a Power who is capable of accepting this burden and not unload it on you at a later date. For most of you, this Higher Power will be God, Jesus, Buddha, Yahweh, Allah, or some other deity. For some of you, this step will become a real burden since you lack a Higher Power or spirituality in your life. The concept of Higher Power or spirituality does not require you to join a church or become religious but rather it requires you to stop being your own Higher Power or God. You need to accept humbly that there is an eternal consciousness or eternal energy source which has Power greater than you. For some this can be the universe, cosmos, mother nature, or life itself. For some it may need to be initially the group or class you are attending until you can get open enough to accept that there is a Power outside of you strong enough to absorb your lack of ability to control your "powerlessness over food."

Once you have developed a spirituality and accepted a Higher Power in your life then you take the step to "hand over" your powerlessness over food. You simply tell your Higher Power:

"Here is the powerlessness I feel over food. Here is the addictive, compulsive, obsessive and pervasive pressure I feel about and from food. Here are all the myths about food which I have absorbed and believed all of my life. Here is my belief that once I control my use of food I will become happier. Here is my belief that once I diet enough and become thin I will become happier. Here are all of the irrational beliefs I have about food and my control over it. Here is all of my anger over food and food related issues. Here is food and its powerful influence in my life. I accept that I am powerless over the power of food in my life and that because of this my life has become unmanageable."

Once you have handed over your powerlessness over food you will need to take steps not to take it back from your Higher Power. You will then be able to relax from the pressure you have felt from the tremendous power of food in your life. You will then be able to enjoy the peace and serenity which comes from your acceptance that this is one thing you could not change or control. Knowing that you do not have to change or control the power of food in your life, you will be more open and ready to implement the Tools for a Balanced Lifestyle in your life. You can remind your Higher Power once you get going with this letting go that:

"I feel free and capable of implementing the necessary things I can do to get my lifestyle balanced. I do not want to take back from you my powerlessness over food. If I fall back into obsessing, compulsing, or acting addictive with food I will immediately hand it back over to You. I do not want to experience the pressure or pain this pervasive power food has had over me again. I thank You for being there for me. I thank you for being a powerful receptacle into which I can dump the toxic waste of food addiction and compulsive over-eating. I believe that You are more powerful than food and that you will be able to hold this powerful force for me as long as I continue to let go of it to You."

After you have taken the steps to LET GO of your powerlessness over food, you are then ready for the next step of the LET GO system.

The next step is to Give up the Need to control your powerlessness over food by embracing the spirit, words and meaning of the Serenity Prayer. For the purposes of the this program the Serenity Prayer has been revised to help those, who currently lack a focused Higher Power or well developed spirituality, to become receptive to its words. The Serenity Prayer is contained in the SEA's Program Manual for those who desire the original version. In the Tools for Handling Control: Letting Go of the Uncontrollables and Unchangeable, the value of implementing the Serenity Prayer in your life to help you LET GO is fully explained. To give up your need to control your powerlessness over food, you need to recite the Serenity Prayer over and over again until you believe it and feel released from the power and pull of food in your life:

The Serenity Prayer

• Grant me serenity to accept the things I cannot change
• Courage to change the things I can
• and Wisdom to know the difference.
• Living one day at a time,
• Enjoying one moment at a time,
• Accepting hardship as a pathway to peace.
• Taking this imperfect world as it is,
• and not as I would have it.
• Trusting that all things will be right if I surrender
• to the way life is rather than how I want it to be.
• So that I may reasonably happy in this life.

Amen

By using these words as a daily affirmation of your letting go of your powerlessness over food, you will begin to feel the peace and serenity which it promises. You will be able to focus on one day at a time as a measure of your success in letting go. You will be able to experience joy one moment at a time and not be so focused on the future. You will become reality oriented on the "here and now" and LET GO of the myth: "Once I get thin or once I control my eating I will be happy." You will become reasonably happy each day you continue to hand over the pressure of food in your life to your Higher Power. You will become more relaxed with your life and with yourself. You will be better able to grow in self-love and self-acceptance because you will be able to LET GO of the need for you to possess "perfect will-power" and "thinness" inorder to deserve your own self-love. You will be more receptive to the messages of the Tools for a Balanced Lifestyle Program and be ready to take the next step of the LET GO system.

You are now ready for the last step of Ordering Your Life so that you no longer are trying to control your powerlessness over food. This means that you are now ready to implement the Tools for a Balanced Lifestyle in your life more. You are now ready to implement or maintain a reasonable exercise program. You are now ready to accept that "I exercise to live." You are now more receptive to accept that "Food is Food" and that "I eat to live and not live to eat." You are now able to say that: "I will handle my emotions in food-less ways using the SEA's systems of ALERT, ANGER, CHILD and LET GO." You are ready to tell yourself: "I can develop a new relationship with food with the assistance of my Higher Power." You are now ready to accept that your old relationship with food was compulsive, obsessive, addictive and filled with pervasive pressure. You are better able to accept that you are a foodaholic or compulsive overeater and that you are powerless to correct this state of life without the assistance of your Higher Power. You are now more receptive to give yourself more self-love and self-respect by saying and meaning:

• I am a beautiful person.
• I accept and love myself unconditionally for who I am rather than for who I would like to be.
• I can develop a new relationship with food without dieting."
• I can be happy in life with my body just the way it is.
• My happiness is a day to day thing which I will work on daily to accomplish.
• I am a good person and deserve to have the freedom from the pressure of food in my life.

Once you order your life around the concept of the Serenity Prayer and handing your powerlessness over food to your Higher Power you will grow in self-esteem, self-worth and self-love. You will be better able to put your life into balance and you will develop a new healthier and balanced relationship with food. Your life will become happier and healthier. Your life will become more balanced and resemble the healthy aspects of the cavepeople day by day

With kind Permision
James J. Messina, Ph.D., & Constance M. Messina, Ph.D.Copin www.coping.org