Tools for a Balanced Lifestyle

A Program of Recovery from Weight Related Problems
Going for the 3 increases: Increase of Health; Increase of Happiness and Increase of Energy

Chapter 5: A New Look at Body Image

I. An ALERT on Body Image Issues
The cavepeople used to draw images and pictures of themselves on the walls of their caves to keep a running narrative history of their lives. The cavepeople did not seem to be bothered by body image problems since they drew their bodies just as they were. Cavepeople were not irrational about body size since they were happy to have bodies which were alive and surviving the hardness of their lives. They were accepting of their bodies in an unconditional way by saying: "My body is fine and acceptable as long as it keeps me alive and well." How well do you compare with the cavepeople when it comes to your body image? Answer the following questions: Do you have a problem in being able to unconditionally accept your body as OK as long as it is alive and well? Are you concerned about looking at images of yourself? Do you have a problem accepting your body just the way it is? Do you have a problem with your body being seen in public? Are you bothered about being seen or looked at when you are trying on clothes in a clothing store? Do you have a problem looking at your naked body in the mirror? Do you hate having your picture or a home video taken of you? Do you hate seeing your body's image in a shadow? Do you avoid looking into large street side windows to avoid seeing your body's reflection? Do you avoid being captured on the camera in a store window so that you do not see your body on the TV monitor? Do you hate looking at pictures or home videos of you? If the answer is yes to all or most of these questions, then most probably you have poor body image and are in need of extensive work to get more rational, realistic, healthy and reality based concerning your body image.

Poor body image comes from a variety of irrational, unrealistic and unhealthy causes. 1. It can be based on the conditional acceptance of your body only if it meets certain criteria for such acceptance or approval. 2. Poor body image can be based in denial over what your body really looks like and a refusal to see your body the way it is rather than how you fantasize it to be. 3. It can also come from self-rejection and self-non-acceptance. This is the refusal of self-acceptance of yourself as a good person. This refusal is because your body does not meet the "standard" which you believe it has to reach. This body standard must be reached before you can believe that you are a "good enough" person to be accepted by yourself. 4. Poor body image can come from self-hatred over what your body has become. 5. It can come from the fear of your body being seen by others the way it is rather than how you would like it to be. 6. It can come from the need to be invisible and not seen by others and yet it is seen by others and commented on by them. 7. Poor body image can come from the guilt over the fact that: "I have done this to my body." 8. It can come from perfectionism over the fact that: "My body is not good enough the way it is." When you are dealing with your poor body image you need to first ALERT yourself so as to get rational about your body so you can relax the anxiety, stress or panic you experience every time you are about to see an image of your body in a mirror, picture, home video, store window, security monitor or your shadow.

First you need to ASSESS what is causing you the stress, anxiety or panic when ever you are in public or looking at an image of yourself. The tension you are experiencing is most probably due to seeing or the fear of seeing an image or reflection of your body which you do not want to see and simultaneously do not want others to see. This is a sign of poor body image which is a factor which can de-rail or sabotage your efforts at maintaining your new and emerging balanced lifestyle. You need to go on and identify what unhealthy thinking leads to the distress you experience over your body image.

The second step is to LESSEN the impact of your negative body image by identifying the irrational thinking which underlies this concern. The third step is to EASE out of the stress by identifying new healthier self-affirmations which help you to become more rational, realistic and reality based about your body image. What follows are some irrational messages you might be giving yourself which lead to the panic, stress and anxiety of poor body image. Under each irrational and unhealthy message is a rational and healthier self-affirmation counterpart:

Unhealthy: I can't really be that big.
Healthy: My body size is what it is.

Unhealthy: I look ridiculous in that picture.
Healthy: I look in that picture just the way I look in real life.

Unhealthy: How did this happen to me?
Healthy: I did this to myself and I accept this fact for what it is.

Unhealthy: Who is that person in the picture?
Healthy: I see me the way I really am in that picture.

Unhealthy: If I had on different more flattering clothes I would have looked better.
Healthy: I am the size I am and different clothes may camouflage it but they will not change it.

Unhealthy: If I sit up straighter I will look less bad.
Healthy: I will sit up straighter because it is healthier for me to do so.

Unhealthy: There must be something wrong with the camera or mirror for me to look like that.
Healthy: My body is the way the picture or image shows it.

Unhealthy: I can never have anyone see a picture of me so they can make fun of or ridicule me.
Healthy: I do not care if others see my picture because I do not care what their response is.

Unhealthy: I am so embarrassed when I see a reflection in a mirror of me.
Healthy: I accept myself for who I am when I see a reflection of myself in a mirror.

Unhealthy: Everyone else in the picture looks better than me.
Healthy: Everyone in the picture, including me, looks like themselves and that is OK.

Unhealthy: I am no good unless I am thin.
Healthy: I am good just the way I am and my body size does not determine my goodness.

Unhealthy: I can't possibly be considered beautiful (or handsome) with my body the way it is.
Healthy: I am beautiful (or handsome) for who I am and not the way I look.

Unhealthy: I can't possibly be happy while my body looks the way it does.
Healthy: I am happy for who I am and my looks will not interfere in my happiness..

Unhealthy: My blubber is ugly.
Healthy: Blubber is blubber and does not need to be given power to control my life.

Unhealthy: My body needs to look better than this before I will ever like myself.
Healthy: I like me just the way I am. My body size does not determine if I am likeable.

Unhealthy: My body tells me I need to go on a diet.
Healthy: My body tells me I need to implement a balanced lifestyle so that I can gain the 3 Increases of Health, Happiness and Energy.

Unhealthy: Although I have been practicing the Balanced Lifestyle model for six months my body still looks awful to me.
Healthy: The Balanced Lifestyle model promises the 3 Increases of Health, Happiness and Energy and does not promise a thinner body.

Unhealthy: I will only be OK when certain body parts are thinner or smaller.
Healthy: I am OK just the way I am. My being OK does not depend on how my body looks.

Unhealthy: A certain body part is disproportionate to the others and it makes me ugly.
Healthy: I look fine even if my body parts are not proportionate.

Unhealthy: My body only looks good enough to me if it is a "Swiss Bank Account" body.
Healthy: My "Italian Bank Account" body which is experiencing a Balanced Lifestyle looks OK to me.

I can't believe I feel so good about myself when my body looks like that.
Healthy: I can feel good about myself by unconditionally accepting myself the way I am.

The aim of the LESSEN and EASE steps is to let go of: conditional self-acceptance, denial and fantasy thinking, self-rejection and self-non-acceptance, self-hatred and self-loathing, fear of being seen by others, the need to be invisible to others, the need for perfectionism for your body to be "just right," and guilt for what your body has become. Once you have identified new healthier self-affirmations you then go on to the next step.

The fourth ALERT step is to RELAX the stress of poor body image by breathing in the new messages of affirmation and breathing out the stale air of the irrational and unhealthy old messages about your body. As you relax try to visualize yourself accepting your body image as you look at mirrors, pictures and home videos of yourself, video security monitors, store window reflections and your shadow. Keep visualizing your successful self-acceptance of your body image so that in reality the next time you see your image reflected, you will accept it unconditionally with no stress, anxiety or panic.

The fifth ALERT step is to TAKE ACTION and to allow yourself to see your body's image in a variety of situations and practice the unconditional self-acceptance model. To make this action more long lasting do the following exercise: Draw a picture of yourself. Then label every body part you do not like. Give a reason why you do not like it. Then work at developing a rational and healthy reason why it is OK and deserving of your acceptance. Write 5 affirmations of acceptance for the identified body part. Do this for every part of your body, you have not been able to accept at this point in your life. Keep working on this exercise until you can say: "I accept every part of my body unconditionally." To take further action try this: The next time someone is taking pictures or home videos ask him or her to take your picture and to give you a copy of the picture or video when it is ready. This will provide for you an opportunity to see if you have overcome your anxiety, panic or stress whenever you think your body will be seen by others. It will also test if you are ready to look at images of your body the way it is rather than how you would like it to look.

With kind Permision
James J. Messina, Ph.D., & Constance M. Messina, Ph.D.Copin www.coping.org